I have now been back in the United States for a year - and, let me tell you, the last year has been quite the emotional rollercoaster. As predicted, the first few weeks back in the States were wonderful. I loved seeing all of my friends and family again, skating at the WPIA, and eating all the foods I had missed while in Germany. But, alas, the renewed novelty soon wore off….
When Mizzou’s fall semester began, things started going down hill. I felt extremely disconnected from everyone. It seemed like nobody truly understood what I had experienced and how I had changed. I realized that many of my fellow CSD students had all become much closer to one another while I was away. After a professor had finished lecture one day, I caught myself an inch away from knocking on the desk. (A customary sign of appreciation in German universities- similar to clapping.) I found that I was actually BOTHERED by everyone just packing up and leaving without any form of thanks given to the professors. It seemed downright rude after attending Uni in Germany.
Early on, I tried to become friends with a few of the German exchange students at Mizzou; but it soon became apparent that they just wanted to stick with their own little group of exchange students. This frustrated me greatly because I couldn’t understand it. (When I was in Germany, I wanted GERMAN friends! If I had wanted American friends, I would have stayed in the U.S.!) My German skills were dying a little each day (which Markus kindly pointed out to me whenever I typed so much as a word of German). The stress of classes and grad. school applications was almost too much to bear. I hadn’t needed my anxiety pills very often when in Germany, but I definitely needed them on a regular basis when I was thrown back into the American way of life... GO-GO-GO! Succeed! GO-GO-GO! Win! GO-GO-GO!
At times, people would try to cheer me up. They told me things like, “Oh, senior year is so exciting! After all, college is the greatest 4 years of your life!” Excuse me? The best time of my life? -crap! You’re basically telling me that my life will suck from here on out??? I had already experienced my greatest semester of college (GERMANY), so what was there to look forward to? I would go into these periods of depression and did nothing in my free time other than sit and stare off into space missing Germany. I even missed things about Germany that I hadn’t liked much when I was there! Sometimes, I would get flat out angry and hate America for being different than Germany…. It was not a pleasant phase to live through.
Even the ice arena had changed. Becky had graduated and moved to Western Michigan University where she made the senior synchronized skating team. For those who don’t know Becky, first- I’m sorry; and second – She was pretty much the life of the ice arena. Things seemed so dull and quiet without her around. In time, however, the ice arena became a happy place again; and I picked up several new individual students.
Another thing that slowly helped me get over being back home was working in the language preschool. I worked there twice a week with 3 other CSD seniors. After a while, we got to know each other better, and I felt like I finally had friends in the program. Also, I was learning so much from Dana (The preschool director-an SLP) and was starting to feel like I was becoming an actual SLP. Working in the preschool made me rethink my plan to work in the elementary schools. I may want to work with the preschool population when I finish school. We shall see.
The second semester of my senior year also had its fair share of ups and downs, but, overall, I was in a better emotional state. It took a little over six months to get over the reverse culture shock. That’s not to say that I don’t long for Germany anymore, it’s just that it doesn’t control my every thought. In the spring, I went through a great deal of drama surrounding grad. school plans. In the end, I got accepted to Truman State University. I’m now relatively excited about it and feel that Mizzou’s CSD graduate program wasn’t actually a good fit for me.
My summer has been pretty uneventful. I took one graduate class at MU, and taught an off-ice jump and conditioning class. Currently, I’m sitting in my room missing Germany and trying to plan a return trip in 2011. I figured I would write a “one year later” blog while Germany was on my mind and while I have nothing important to do. I’m guessing nobody will actually read this, but it was more for me anyway.
Cat
7 years ago
